Hello, old friend...

Where to begin today...

I haven't felt like posting in a very long time, as you can tell from the date of my last post.  Life has been pure hell dotted with times of just earthly torture.  My mind has been so bogged down by thoughts of everything and nothing at the same time.  I am constantly thinking about my current circumstances with the utmost unproductivity.  I couldn't even tell you what I actually ponder all day.  It's just a big tangled mess of grey.

One bit of positive news is that I have not cut very much recently.  In fact, it has been almost two weeks.  I think I have considered it during the past two weeks, but I'm not quite sure.  I could attribute that to my medicine, or to trying to change my attitude, or to a friend who has given me a glimpse of some sort of happy future, or to God.  There seem to a few things working toward positivity in my life, though their progress is sloth-like at best.

I was given this scripture tonight in a small group I attended for the first time.

    But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness the Lord will be a light to me.   Micha 7:7-8

Not sure why I added it....but I do sit in darkness most days.  Tonight I have felt a little light on my face and on my heart.  It was warm and made me yearn for more.

 

The one about the car...

Here's pretty much how my life goes:

It costs me over $800 to get the super expensive headlights fixed on my van yesterday.  I finally get it inspected and the registration renewed, only 4 months late.  Today, one of the headlights is not working.  This is the kind of life that Murphy had night mares about.  It makes his law look like a children's book.

Now I get to look forward to child custody mediation this afternoon.  A minimum of one hour in a room with my asshole husband to fight over custody of children he doesn't even want to take responsibility for.  At least it is cold enough to wear long sleeves and cover the "tree rings" of my life.  However, I must go unpack the long sleeve clothes and have no room in this house to hang them.

Hold on to your hats, everyone.  Today is going to be a doozie.  I'll be very surprised if I don't break open a fresh razor by the end of the day.