I heard this quote today.  "Today, I choose to believe differently. With help and hard work, life is hopeful."  Hmmm...  Sounds a lot easier said than done.  At least they acknowledge it is hard, but don't you just want to smack people who say stuff like " choose to be positive?"  How much more ridiculous could that sound in the midst of depression and anxiety.  The two are like mind control; reprogramming you to respond and react in ways you would never have dreamed possible.  I don't wake up each day thinking "today I will choose to be sad," or "if I get overwhelmed today, maybe I will hack into my arm some."  This is not a choice that I make each day.  Who would willing choose not to be a happy, positive, worry free person.  Even despite some very happy events over the past few weeks, I still live under this soaking wet blanket of hopelessness most of the time.  The constant pressure of it makes it increasingly hard to lift off of me.  I have been given medicine of all sorts and still see no difference.  I am currently one week into a new medicine that may not do anything either.  Just more money, and more waiting, and more nothing.

The irony to the tone of this post is that, so far, this isn't even a bad day.